Adolescents

I recently looked at two books on raising teenagers. To oversimplify:

-one said that we make the mistake of encouraging teenager independence, treating them like adults when they are actually still kids who need our guidance.

- the other said we make the mistake of discouraging teenage independence, treating them like kids when they are actually adults who need their freedom.

This sort of contradictory advice is common in management and that's what I've been exploring in a number of these blog entries. The natural reaction is to argue for one side or the other (or just to, like Hollywood, decide no one knows anything).

But Dave Crisp's reaction was right "Ah, they've identified the issue!"

If we look at it as an issue to be explored not a choice to be decided we will be much better off. As always we can start by asking "What are the dynamics?"

My intent is not to discuss parenting but to explore how to approach this sort of paradox/polarity that we run into so often. In this case, having identified the issue we might think:
- what aspects of life ought to be independent and which ought to be dependent?
- how does this evolve over time?
- how does one assess if the balance is correct for any given aspect at any given time?
- what tactics/approaches will make a teenager more dependent, less dependent -- what are the levers?

This may all seem self-evident, but the truth is we often get into unhelpful debates where we chose a side rather than diving into an exploration that does not presume either polarity is correct. (for more see Johnson's book on Polarity Mgmt)